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Gambling Jokes & Anecdotes


Casino / Gambling Jokes
Sphen and Rudy were playing pitch one night
Sphen and Rudy were playing pitch one night, and Sphen told Rudy that he was having an affair with his wife, but stressed that she is inlove with both of them, and does not know what to do. So as true gamblers would do, they decided to play a game of 10-point pitch, and the loser must promise never to sleep with her again. After the cards were delt, Rudy said, "Let's raise that stakes, let's play for a dollar a point." Scott, had a serious gambling problem, every time he came home his wife would ask him how much money he lost at the casino. Then one night, Scott never came home at all, and walked in the house at 9 AM, and his wife was glaring at him. Scott said "I have something to admit, I was at the bar last night, got drunk, and went home with the bar maid." The wife then replied "Don't give me that bull, how much did you lose last night at the dice table?" Buckshot was a compulsive gambler, and would bet on anything and everything; horses, dogs, football, baseball, basketball, snooker and even soccer games. When Buckshot was down to his last dollar, he went to his best friend and said "Roy, I need $1000, we have no food, I owe rent, the kids need jeans for school, and the wife won't leave the house because we have bad checks at all the stores. Can you help me out?" So, his best buddy gave him $2000 to get him ahead, but on one condition, that he does not use the money for gambling. Buckshot's reply was "Oh, I have money put away for that."

Tip the dealer
A blackjack dealer and a player with a thirteen count in his hand were arguing about whether or not it was appropriate to tip the dealer. The player said, "When I get bad cards, it's not the dealers fault. Accordingly, when I get good cards, the dealer obviously had nothing to do with it so why should I tip him?" The dealer said, "When you eat out do you tip the waiter?" "Yes." "Well then, he serves you food, I'm serving you cards so you should tip me." "OK, but, the waiter gives me what I ask for...I'll take an eight."

Dear John
Dear John, I have been unable to sleep since I broke off our engagement. Won't you forgive and forget? Your absence is breaking my heart. I was a fool - nobody can take your place. I love you. All my love, Belinda. xxxxoooxxxx P.S. Congratulations on winning this week's lottery.

A Trip to Las Vegas!
A man comes home to find his wife packing her bags. "Where are you going?" demands the surprised husband. "To Las Vegas! I found out that there are men that will pay me $500 to do what I do for you for free!"

The man pondered that thought for a moment, and then began packing HIS bags. "What do you think you are doing?" she screamed.

"I'm going to Las Vegas with you... I want to see how you're going to live on $1000 a year!"



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